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I had another

Submitted by CalamityJon on July 7, 2009 - 18:06

I had another one of those dreams last night, about an imaginary comic book. This time around it was some weird Western affair, all cowboys in strange costumes - I don't know if you've ever read any of those old Marvel Western comics they were putting out around the same time that super-heroes were getting popular again, but all the villains in them are crazy: Cowboys wearing deep sea diver helmets, desperadoes in little green alien masks (!!), badmen on flying horses or skeleton horses or horses that appeared to be on fire. Strange, inspired, genre-busting stuff.

So I had a dream about a comic book in the weird western vein, and I cannot tell you for the life of my about most of the characters who appeared in this four-color phantasm, they rushed by in droves; I recall one fellow who dressed like a normal cowboy, except for a wizard's hat, and another gunslinger who wore a mask made to look like a realistic horse's head, then rode around on his horse under the sobriquet The Centaur (!!), cowpokes with bat's wings, robot cowboys, des-mer-adoes, the whole nine bizarre yards and then some.

But, amidst the faceless dozens, there were three which stood out - cover features, the lot of them: First off, a crimefighting barber called THE BARBER, all handlebar mustache and tightly coiffed hair, he carried a six-gun, a razor and a pair of shears, and kept the peace in this little town where he maintained a modest barber shop. Secondly, a guy I imagine was called THE EXECUTIONER, who dressed in the manner of a medieval executioner - shirtless, black hood, gloves - and whose shtick was that he had a rifle which more resembled a harpoon gun, and which rather than bullets shot AXES, and he would shoot these axes at his opponents and cut their heads clean off.

BUT THE BEST OF ALL OF THESE was a gunslinger who I don't think I dreamt a name for, and who rode around masked, and wearing a short black cloak which hung to just below his waist. When he'd get in a gunfight, he'd throw back the cloak to reveal A BELT OF DYNAMITE STRAPPED TO HIS MIDSECTION. He was SUCH A GODDAMN BADASS that he'd go into gunfights wearing a belt of live dynamite, knowing that he could outshoot even guys who'd only need to nick him to make him explode. Plus, HE WAS OKAY WITH GETTING EXPLODED! No quiet bed-death for this guy!

Man! Of all the comics I've dreamt up, I honestly wish this one were real more than any other before it. And that it had swearing in it. Explodin' Deadwood!